There was a time when adulthood looked like freedom—no curfews, your own apartment, ice cream for dinner if you felt like it. But as the oldest millennials push into their 40s and the younger ones settle into their 30s, many are quietly coming to terms with a truth they weren’t prepared for. Adulthood is not what it was cracked up to be.
Sure, there are perks, like choosing your own furniture, not having to ask permission to travel, growing into your own identity, but beneath the Instagram-worthy milestones lies a quiet list of regrets that many millennials carry but don’t always say out loud. Here’s a closer look at the parts of adulting millennials never expected to feel so conflicted about.
The College Degree That Didn’t Deliver
Most millennials were told that a college degree was the golden ticket. Study hard, get into a good school, graduate, and you’ll land a stable job with a decent salary. Instead, many graduated into a recession, loaded with student debt and forced into jobs that didn’t even require a degree. The regret isn’t necessarily the education. It’s the promise that came with it, one that didn’t hold up in reality.
The Endless Hustle Culture
What was once sold as passion-fueled ambition has become a hamster wheel of side gigs, burnout, and blurred boundaries between work and rest. Millennials entered a job market where security was shaky, benefits were dwindling, and climbing the ladder often meant sacrificing their mental health. What do they regret? Believing that working harder was the key to freedom, when in fact, it often became the trap.
The Myth of “Having It All”
From Lean In to Instagram influencers with six-figure incomes and picture-perfect homes, millennials were sold the dream of balance—career, family, travel, wellness. But real life doesn’t offer that kind of symmetry. Many now feel a quiet regret over chasing a vision of adulthood that required perfection in every area of life, instead of allowing for messiness and limits.
Relationships Are Harder Than Expected
Whether it’s dating burnout, marital struggles, or navigating friendships across time zones and life stages, relationships have become more complicated with age. Millennials regret how much they took connection for granted in their younger years—how easy it was to hang out with friends, flirt at a bar, or text without overthinking. Now, adult relationships require scheduling, effort, and sometimes painful recalibration.
Delayed (or Denied) Milestones
A house. Kids. Retirement savings. Many millennials assumed they’d have these boxes checked by their 30s, but skyrocketing housing prices, childcare costs, and economic instability changed the game. While some are redefining success on their own terms, others carry a quiet ache for the timeline that never happened. It’s not about failure—it’s about grieving what once seemed like a given.
The Loneliness of “Making It”
Even for those who have achieved financial stability or career success, there’s often a surprising sense of emptiness. Millennials regret how little anyone talked about the emotional cost of success. The isolation, the imposter syndrome, the realization that reaching the goal doesn’t always bring the joy you thought it would.
Moving Away From Home and Never Really Going Back
In search of jobs, independence, or adventure, many millennials moved away from their hometowns. What they didn’t expect was how deeply they’d miss the ease of family dinners, childhood friends, and the feeling of belonging somewhere. For some, there’s a quiet regret that adulthood meant putting down roots in places that still don’t feel like home.
Thinking Adulthood Would Feel Different
Most millennials imagined they’d feel more adult by now, that they’d reach a moment where it all clicked. Instead, many still feel like they’re faking it, trying to navigate taxes, parenting, or insurance claims with the same confusion they had at 21. There’s a lingering regret that no one ever told them adulthood is less about feeling ready and more about winging it, constantly.
The Cost of “Being Independent”
Independence was the goal. And in many ways, millennials achieved it. But the flip side of independence is often isolation. Doing everything yourself sounds empowering until you realize how exhausting it can be. Millennials regret not valuing interdependence sooner—the kind of community and mutual support that could have softened the weight of adult life.
Not Slowing Down Sooner
In a generation that prizes productivity, rest often feels indulgent. But now, with stress-related illnesses rising and mental health becoming harder to ignore, many millennials regret how long it took them to stop and ask themselves: Is this really the life I want? The regret isn’t just about overwork. It’s about missing out on joy, presence, and small moments that pass in the rush to “make it.”
Which part of adulthood caught you most off guard, and what, if anything, do you wish someone had told you earlier? Let’s talk about it.
Read More:
Millennials Are Waiting to Marry Until They’re Debt-Free—Is That Smart or Sad?
Burnout Is No Longer Just a Work Problem—Here’s How It’s Creeping Into Relationships
Riley is an Arizona native with over nine years of writing experience. From personal finance to travel to digital marketing to pop culture, she’s written about everything under the sun. When she’s not writing, she’s spending her time outside, reading, or cuddling with her two corgis.
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